Meet Quest Maker Sandy Dempsey

Quest Makers are women in their 40s and beyond who've declared
"now it's my time," and then set off on their own journeys to realize their dreams. Every month a Quest Maker is featured in the FREE e-newsletter, Your Next Quest Chronicles. Click here to enjoy archived issues.

Quest Maker Sandy Dempsey
From climbing the corporate ladder to
creating a café for dreaming and growing

Ten years after her father died, Sandy realized she was no closer to her dream of writing and being her own boss. Step by step, Sandy began preparing to leave her corporate job to lead the creative, fulfilling life she'd dreamed of since she was 16. Along the way, she conceived of "a destination oasis for those on the creative journey to self discovery" and The Dreaming Café was born. When Sandy's timetable was moved up by life circumstances, she chose to climb off the corporate ladder and say "Yes!" to her dream.

When did you decide to embark on your journey?

I was 41 going on 42 in 2007, which marked the 10th anniversary of my dad’s death from esophageal cancer at age 55.

At the time, I was all wrapped up in climbing the corporate ladder. I was experiencing a high level of success but I wasn’t happy. I realized that 10 years had passed and I was no closer to my real dreams in 2007 than as I was in 1997.

Every day was the same. One day blended into another. Eat. Work. Sleep. I worked 12-13 hours day, 5-7 days a week.

My dad had discovered only later in life what gave him a lot of joy and fulfilled him, yet he didn’t have the time to enjoy them. I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize that I only had a little time left to do what I wanted. That was the turning point for me to go after my own quest.
Sandy deep in a book.

Since I was 16 years old I’ve had the dream to write and to work for myself. I wanted to live a creative, fulfilling life, working independently and helping others. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and work for myself even though nobody did either one of those things in my family. Yet my dream was getting buried deeper and deeper. Since that turning point, I’ve discovered that my life’s mission is to learn, to grow and to share.

How has your quest unfolded?

In 2007, I began to attend workshops and seminars related to what I wanted to do. I wanted to invest time, money and energy in me and what I wanted to do and not the current career I had.

Barbara Winter

In June 2008, I participated in Barbara Winter's Storytelling Workshop on how to tell the story of your business. The workshop was phenomenal. I’ve been a big fan of Barbara Winter’s for a long time. In fact, meeting her was #69 on my 100+ life list. The workshop was directly related to writing and it all came together.

While attending the Storytelling Workshop in Las Vegas, the idea for The Dreaming Café first came to me. I had a hard time adjusting to the time difference and was often up by 3:00am, writing and thinking. I imagined The Dreaming cafe as a website, and a place both online and off, for people to come together, like a community hub. It was the first time I put it down on a piece of paper. It took a while for it to manifest. The Dreaming Cafe website didn’t go up until February 2009. But, until then, it was always in the back of my head percolating away.

What inspired you to compile a 100+ list?

I created my 100+ plus life goals list after reading Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles and hearing the story about Lou Holtz, the Hall of Fame college football coach and how making his 100+ life goals list changed his life.

Looking back, what's one thing you wish you had realized?

There is one thing I wish that somebody had told me when I was younger: all it really takes is to have a true vision of what you want and just to take tiny steps towards it every day. It might have saved me 30 years of distraction.

My biggest problem my whole life was that I would always look at the big picture. Keep my eye on the prize, but it would just immobilize me. What I’ve learned since then is that I can look up every once in a while and check to make sure I’m headed in the right direction and correct my course. But the biggest thing I learned is just taking those tiny little steps every single day, which made the biggest difference.

In early 2007, I reached out to a friend and co-worker and asked her to be an accountability partner, a 2-person mastermind group. That was the first tiny, little step I took. You don’t always have to be striving for the big prize.

What is the one essential quality that you'd tell women to pack for their own path?

I would have to say that would be an intense curiosity and a burning desire to know. Not only to know who you are and what you want but just to have a burning desire to know anything and everything. That’s the one thing that will keep you keep growing and moving forward.

Can you describe how you dealt with any obstacles on your adventure?

I have a really bad habit of forgetting the obstacles once I get through them and just keep moving forward.

The biggest thing I did to help me get through the rough spots as I started writing and working for myself on The Dreaming Café was building a circle of support. That has been essential. The ability to reach out and ask for help, realizing that no one succeeds completely on her own and that I can’t do everything and be everything, really made a big difference.

When I get stuck or hit a roadblock, the first thing I do is reach out to someone who I know will understand. I’m not asking them to solve my problems but just knowing that they’re out there and they’ll understand what I am going through helps me know I’m not alone. That’s been the biggest thing that has helped me over the last couple of years.

How did you make time for your dream?

Until I resigned on November 4, 2009, I was still working a full-time demanding corporate job. I would get up early in the morning and spend time at night and on the weekends working on my business. It wasn’t really a business when I started. I didn’t sell or market anything. But, I always considered it my business because I knew that was my ultimate goal/dream.

Sandy at work

I really loved what I was doing. I was more energized and was happier than I had been in my entire life. I was getting up at 3:00 or 4:00am and writing or working on my website or sending emails and connecting with people or at nighttime talking to people on the phone or meeting a ‘practice’ coaching client. Even though it was hard fitting it in between a 10-12 hour work day, it was what gave me my energy and a reason to get up in the morning. I found I had the time and energy to do it because I so wanted to do it. It was changing my life dramatically.

It’s a little different now that I have all my own time to do this. I’m really still unwinding from that corporate grind.

This period right here is probably more difficult than when I started. It’s letting go of a lot of stuff, including letting go of a lot of people I’d worked with for a long time, and the daily contact, like going into the office. I really don’t have a routine yet. I have a lot more time to write, create and connect with people. At the same time, it’s a little difficult adjusting to the transition. I haven’t quite found the ground beneath my feet yet.

What helped you stay on your quest’s path?

The biggest thing that helped me, and still helps me today, is that when I started this process in 2007, I wrote a life essay. I wrote it in the third person, in the present tense and I described every detail of what I wanted my life to look like: how I wanted to feel, where I wanted to live, what a typical day looked like, who was in my life, what I ate, what I drove, everything. I wrote it one sitting and it’s about 7 pages long.

I’ve tweaked it a little bit since then. But that vision, that life essay, is what I hold up today. That’s still what helps me stay on this quest because it’s so real and so authentic. It calls to me. I read it at least once a month.

Sandy's vision board

Something new I’ve done recently is that I’ve turned that life essay into a vision board – a giant piece of poster board with pictures and words. That’s helping me get through this transition period. I’ve hung it on the wall right across from my desk where I can see it every day.

Writing that life essay was one of the turning points of 2007. It really helped clarify what I wanted and who I wanted to be.

I had always intended to resign from my corporate job sometime in early 2010. It came about a little bit sooner than I’d planned because recently my mom became ill. I realized that I couldn’t work 10 hours, drive 2 hours and put 4-5 hours a day into The Dreaming Café and be there for my mom. One of those 3 things had to give.

I had been preparing for this all year by paying down my debt, saving money and working on the Dreaming Café, so when push came to shove and I had to choose between my corporate job, the Dreaming Café, and my mom, I chose my life and my family. I want to really be with my mom, not thinking about all the projects going on. Putting my dreams aside wasn’t a choice anymore. It’s a decision I feel really good about.

What's been the secret to reaching your goals?

The biggest secret is breaking everything down into that smallest, tiniest steps possible and taking action and having that vision to guide me, and to just look at the few steps in front of me. Don’t look too far ahead. Just look a little bit ahead. Take a little step. Check my progress. Make corrections as needed. Take another little step. That has been huge for me.

What's the best advice for your quest that you've ever received?

That rolls right into the tiny steps. I know Nike says, “Just do it.” But, ‘just do it’ implies taking big steps and to me it was all about taking baby steps. I never realized the power of it until the last couple of years.

Just take the tiniest, tiniest step, even if it’s just talking to someone or picking up your journal for the first time in 10 years. It doesn’t have to be public or mind blowing, just one little step that will tell your heart that you are moving in the right direction.

Is there a particular quote, a movie, a book or a person that has sustained you?

Yes, I have a trio of books I have read and read again over the last 3 years:
[Editor's Note: I've provided links above to the authors' websites. Or click here to find an independently locally owned bookstore near you. Please join me in supporting Indie bookstores which help build vibrant local communities!]

 
Sandy's treasure box

I’ve also got this quote from Wu Ming Fu from the 12th century on a small index card which I had taped to my phone at work and that I carry in my wallet. Last summer I painted it on the top of my little treasure box.

The seed that is to grow
Must lose itself as a seed,
And they that creep
May graduate through
Chrysalis to Wings,
Wilt thou then, O Mortal,
Cling to husks which
Falsely seem to you
The self?

To me the last three years have been such a metamorphosis, such a transformative period of personal growth and this really spoke to me.

Do you have a new quest around the corner?

That’s one of the fun things about heading in this direction; you have a lot of new quests. One of the bigger things I’m working on is to integrate my dedication to life long learning and The Dreaming Café’s mission to help others. Right now, it exists mainly online and so do I. The new quest around the corner is to manifest something physical, tangible in my own backyard in Southern N.J. That’s what I’m working on for 2010.

Although it is a little early to release any details, beginning in the Spring I am working on bringing several workshop leaders to South Jersey so that the people in my community can experience what I did when I traveled to see these teachers and participate in their workshops.

I am also involved in planning a multi-day seminar series designed to be a celebration of self-employment with two other entrepreneurs. The event is tentatively scheduled for October 2010 in Austin, TX.

And, the next Journaling for Self Discovery workshop will start on January 10, 2010. It is an online course and runs for 4 weeks. To find out more about the workshop, click here.

Is there anything else you’d like to share?

I just want to encourage people to be lifelong learners. Don’t be afraid. Whatever you want to do just break it down into smaller steps. Just keep trying. It doesn’t have to be the end all be all. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing trap. As you grow into your vision, your dream may change and that is okay. I wished I’d known all of this myself when I was younger.

One more quote from Helen Nearing inspires me and sums up my life’s vision:
Helen Nearing quote


"To grow, to learn, to experience, to contribute, to share, to be intensely in the moment in which you are living, to get the most out of everything that happens to you and to realize that we are all here to contribute and share."

 

To learn more about The Dreaming Café click here. Send Sandy an email or call her at 609.790.3650.

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